Secrets to Making a Breakup Be the Best Thing That Ever Happened to You

When we talk about breakups, we don’t talk about how positive they can be, we focus on how horrible they are. I was in a relationship for almost nine years, and when that ended, it was the best thing that ever happened to me. So, if you’re reading this and you are pre-breakup, mid-breakup, or even post and trying to move on, start with changing your thoughts about break up. It is positive, it’s change, it’s a new beginning, and most importantly, it’s a new you. Getting your heart broken is the way to start over and make a life you will never need a vacation from and will never need to break up with. It’s so easy to say this, so I have made a list of things that helped me move on and get to that positive place. Here they are…

Cry, scream, and be all the emotions

What I mean by this is feel all the emotions. You can’t move on if you push things down and never address them. Be kind to yourself and give yourself time. It’s gonna be a bumpy road, emotions will come and go, but this will be the best thing to ever happen to you and one day you will wake up, and the shadow will be gone, and you will be happy again. I know you’re asking the biggest question just like when Carrie got her heart broken by Mr. Big for the millionth time.

You know, Carrie from Sex in the City, asked “When will I laugh again?” Miranda responded “When something is really funny.”

That’s how being happy will be one day, it will just click. Until then move on to the rest of this post.

Make a list of all the things that annoyed you

Get specific about the guy and the relationship. This is a great list to have on your phone so when you feel like texting him, or you hear a song you both loved you can read the list and remember why you broke up. When the time comes, and you’re with someone new it’s an excellent way to compare the new guy with the old and make sure they are nothing alike. Who wants to make the same mistake twice? Am I right?

Make a list of all the things you love about yourself and your life

Self-worth is the most important thing anyone can change. If you don’t like you, then who will? This list can be hard in the beginning, try to be very specific and keep adding to the list and read over this list every time you’re sad or not feeling like you are enough. Everyone has good qualities and has talents, appreciate yours. One of my favorite quotes by an unknown author is

“You are YOU and that is your power.”

Embrace your power and embrace your uniqueness. Which leads me to the next point.

Change your self-talk

A world of disappoints will turn into a reality of winning. Words are important, they all have meaning and truth. How is it the nicest people often treat themselves the worst? I came to find that I was quite rude to myself. So take the negative challenge, and I replace I can’t, I won’t, I’m sorry and no; I replaced it with yes, thank you, I can and I will.  It makes a world of difference. One of my favorite movies is Alice in Wonderland, and it’s because she tries to do six impossible things before breakfast. And with a mindset like that the world is yours. Be nice to yourself and say nice things. If you need some motivation or an example of affirmations, click here. You will not be disappointed.

Start working out

Even if it’s just a walk with your dog every day or starting a new class at the gym, get out and get your body moving.  There are so many studies that state walking is good for your brain. There is a form of therapy called EMDR, and it focuses on changing your thoughts and memories while using both sides of your brain. It’s an incredible form of therapy because you are not talking your way through your problems and getting obsessed. You never tell your therapist what it’s about and you work through your thoughts and memories replaces them with less dramatic more positive feelings. I recommend it to anyone wanting to heal from any past traumas.

Try new things and meet new people

Have you always wanted to take an art class? Or learn how to dance? When you are at work what do you wish you could be doing? When getting home, DO IT! Scared to do something is the best sign that you need to do that very thing, so DO IT. When I was moving on from my past life, I chose always to say yes. My world had gotten so limited like the relationship I was in.  When you get scared to take that as a personal challenge to do it. Always say yes. You will be surprised at the things you can accomplish and the people you will meet along the way.

Go on vacation

traveling is the best thing for a broken heart. We forget that life is more than the bubble we live in. It’s a huge world and it will bring things into perspective plus you have so many memories to bury the past with which in the end will help you to move on.

Read self-help books and listen to positive podcasts

I know it’s cheesy but there is good stuff in others experience and advice. Heck, you wouldn’t be reading this post if you didn’t want to change yourself so get obsessed with being better, feeling better. Even trying to better yourself can help you feel better. So get to it, I love The Motivational High Five but find what works for you.

Re-establish friendships with friends and family.

Bad relationships lead to breakups which then have unfortunately put our loved ones as collateral damage. Re-establish those friendships and like I said before don’t be scared to make new ones.

Create goals

Are you happy with your job? No? Change it. Do you hate where you live? Yes? Move. You only have one life to live to get living it instead of surviving it. You don’t like something change it. And keep changing it till you love it.

And finally, upgrade on that relationship

This breakup will be the hardest thing ever do but the best choice you’ve ever made. there is someone out there that will make you look back at the relationship you just left and you will think how crazy you were to ever be so upset it ended. Find someone better, that fits you better, communicates better and has a similar love language as you.  We don’t look hard enough to find the people that will suit us best and possibly be our soul mates. So look because I can tell you by experience when you find them you will be happy. Life will be so easy and you will look back at your past relationships and laugh that you ever thought that was love. Don’t settle, your fairy tale does exist.

Thank you for tuning into my post on Val’s Bytes, check out more post’s at ANYTHINGGIRLY.com

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The best compliment to any blogger is sharing a post, so I invite you to share and thank you in advance if you do. Comment below and let me know what has helped you get over a breakup!

Online Dating - You're Doing It Wrong

Smartphones and apps have opened the floodgates of free online dating. And why not? You can meet lots of interesting people online - more than you'll meet in a loud, smoky bar. You can filter them to make sure their age, appearance, background, and interests are compatible with yours. And it's fun. Research firm GlobalWebIndex reported in 2015 that 91 million people are using apps like Tinder. Why not? Tinder has millions and millions of users. Surely the person you're looking for has an account.

NEEDLE, MEET HAYSTACK

Maybe so. But Tinder's strength - that it is so widely used - is also its weakness. You're not looking to date millions of people. You're looking to find a particular someone.

General-purpose apps and dating websites try to convince you that having lots of members is a benefit. But in most cases, such sites are a waste of time. (That's one reason their customer ratings are so low.)

Suppose you’re interested solely in guys with beards. Or maybe someone who shares your religious background. A general-purpose dating app may let you set filters so you see only members who match your criteria.

But that doesn’t mean you’ll find lots of them. Like you, people in niche categories find general-interest dating sites and apps frustrating, inefficient, and boring. So you don’t find them there.

A MATTER OF FOCUS

Luckily, savvy website operators have created specialized dating sites for people with particular interests. You can now find a website to help you connect with guys with beards, or fellow Catholics, or big beautiful women, or guys with children, or women with tattoos, or married people interested in discreet relationships, or...well, you name it!

A niche dating site is more efficient because you don't have to wade through the profiles of lots of people who don't match your interests. Better yet, such a site is a community of people who share your attraction. You'll enjoy a real sense of community at a niche site. You can pick up useful online dating tips, chat with like-minded singles, and compare experiences.

A niche site attracts precisely the people you are looking for. And because it rewards their searches with qualified potential partners, they stay active. They tell their friends. The site becomes more and more useful over time.

Best of all, you can be sure that you'll find just the kind of dating partner you're looking for.

Let other singles waste their time swiping left and swiping right on Tinder. You're better off with a niche dating website where you can meet exactly who you're looking for.

Contributed by Dating VIP

2016 - Year in Review: Creating the Life I Envisioned

I'd like to think this “Year in Review” idea becomes an annual tradition. I love reflecting on the past 12 months—the triumphs, the trials, and the unexpected turns that helped shape who I am today.

This year began in a good place. I was in full-blown wedding planning mode, excited to marry The Comedian. There were so many hopes and dreams swirling around: building a life together, staying creative, and reigniting my passion for writing.

At the beginning of the year, I was working a job I liked—mainly because of the people. But as the months dragged on, the grind wore me down. Working 8 AM to 6 or 7 PM, often outdoors in a construction-heavy environment, took a toll on my energy and spirit. I started losing myself. My blog, which once gave me so much life, sat dormant. Even trying to lose weight for the big day became emotionally taxing.

I remember lying in bed with The Comedian after one of our long, honest conversations about chasing our dreams. He gently called out that I was losing my spark. And he was right—I was in a rut. That night, I made a promise: by the end of the year, I would quit my job and pursue freelance writing full-time.

And I did.

Thanks to a few Craigslist posts (yes, really), I connected with some amazing clients who gave me the opportunity—and the confidence—to step away from my 9-to-5. I haven’t looked back. I’ve spent the holiday season in meetings, brainstorming, and planning for more clients. And Val’s Bytes? She’s back, baby. Look out for a fresh podcast format in 2017.

This year included two weddings—one of them being my own—and no baby showers (thank God). But the biggest blessing of all was marrying someone who believes in me, even when I doubt myself.

Of course, not everything was sunshine. My hometown of Orlando experienced unspeakable heartbreak with the Pulse Nightclub shooting. We lost icons like Prince. And I faced the emotional exhaustion of a job that no longer fit the person I was becoming.

But through all of that, I’m grateful. Because those shifts—both internal and external—led me closer to the life I’ve always envisioned. As we head into a new year, I want to leave you with this:

✨ Create your own destiny.

As a challenge, I want you to make a vision board (I'll share mine below). Visualize what you want. Pray for it. Meditate on it. Keep your thoughts positive and focused. The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle says:

“See if you can catch yourself complaining… To complain is always nonacceptance of what is… When you speak out, you are in your power.”

A goal without a plan is just a dream. So let’s stop just dreaming. Let’s do something about it. Reflect, plan, believe, and act.

Happy New Year. May it bring everything you're brave enough to imagine.

Year in Review, vision board

The Settler vs The Reacher

Coincidentally, when I’m unsure of what to write about, life hands me a lemon—this time in the form of a How I Met Your Mother binge (round two). I landed on an episode where Marshall is told he’s the “reacher” and Lily is the “settler” in their relationship. Cue the plot twist: Lily gets jealous when a beautiful woman kisses Marshall, and she ends up knocking her out. Classic.

Around the same time, I was talking to a friend about his most recent situationship. He’s a self-proclaimed bachelor—divorced, newly relocated, and determined not to get serious again. Did I mention he looks like John Cena? Attractive, motivated, and emotionally unavailable. The woman he started dating? Financially well-off and deeply invested, despite his repeated disclaimers. She thought she could change his mind. She became the reacher.

That’s what sparked my own reflection.

blog, blogger, ugly duckling, dating advice

During my early 20s, I had zero desire to settle down. Yes, I had a boyfriend or two, but marriage? Not on my radar. I wanted to explore and have fun. I dated what I now call “mimbos”—good-looking guys with little else to offer. It was my way of reclaiming confidence after feeling like the “ugly duckling” growing up. (Insert tragic 90s school photo here—thanks, James.)

When I discovered hair mousse, tweezers, and eyeliner, I realized I could pair intelligence with confidence. Bring on the handsome men! But I never wanted to commit. I didn’t want to be the settler.

Eventually, after a broken engagement and a handful of dating disasters, I hit 27 and thought, “Okay… maybe it’s time.” That’s when I switched roles. I became the reacher—trying too hard for the guys I liked, while the ones who lacked depth repelled me. One guy even had a gold grill. Yeah… not exactly someone I could bring to brunch with my girls.

I even found myself chasing someone who wasn’t even my type—just for the sake of someone. That’s when it hit me: what I really craved was a mental connection. My love language is quality time, and all I wanted was someone I could actually connect with.

Now, after watching that HIMYM episode again, I wondered: in my relationship with the Comedian, am I the settler or the reacher?

And honestly? I don’t think either of us are. We both bring something real and valuable to the table. We challenge each other, we laugh, we grow, and we love hard. I guess I’ll let you be the judge.

No One Wants to Hear about a Happy Relationship

“No one wants to hear about a happy relationship.”

That’s what the Comedian said after finishing a bit on stage. He always runs his jokes by me first—asking if it’s okay to use certain stories. Honestly? I don’t mind. I know most of it is an exaggerated version of our reality. Once, a woman pulled me aside after a show and said, “You don’t have to let him talk about you like that.” But sincerely, I’m okay with it. I’ve gotten used to being the butt of 90% of his jokes.

Happy Relationship, wedding, wedding photos, downtown orlando, grand bohemian, downtown orlando, bride

Comedians talk about what they know. And if they spend most of their lives with you, you're going to make it into their material. I usually just laugh and say, “I signed up for this when I decided to date a comedian.”

It’s not unlike being a dating blogger. For years, I wrote about my latest heartbreaks, bad dates, and cringe-worthy red flags. Now that I’m in a happy marriage, I find myself scrambling for “good material.” Because let’s be real—no one wants to read about a healthy, functional relationship, right?

Maybe that’s the problem. We love drama. We binge-watch reality TV to make ourselves feel better by comparison. If someone rich and beautiful is falling apart on camera, we feel like we’re doing okay. But lately, people have been coming up to us and asking, “How’s married life?”

And truthfully? It’s great. Nothing has changed. We’re still just two creative souls figuring life out together. He’s the guy who can make you laugh until you cry and then pivot to a deep conversation about society’s evolution. I didn’t even know that kind of balance in a partner existed—but it does. And I’m lucky.

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Someone once told me, “Enjoy this time, because you never know when things will change.” And she’s right. I’ve seen friends weather storms in their marriages. But the strong ones—the ones who truly get each other—find their way back. I admire that so much.

During his vows, the Comedian said that you need someone who grows with you and pushes you to be your best self. And that stuck with me. So here’s my challenge: talk about your happy relationship. Share it. Let people know that healthy love exists. Maybe it’ll make the search feel a little less impossible.

P.S. Our wedding video is out. I hope you enjoy it as much as we do!
🎥 Watch it here