The Blog Is Back—Because I Am, Too

I want to do this while it’s still fresh.

I’ve spent the last few days editing all my previous blog posts—reading through the seasons of my life when I was single and when I was married. It’s been an emotional excavation. What prompted me to bring this blog back to life was a comment someone left on an old post. I had hidden the blog pages, but somehow they were still accessible through SEO searches. That comment stirred something in me, waking up a voice I thought had gone quiet.

Since then, I’ve been working on two books based on my life experiences. I needed a space to speak freely, to process what I’ve lived and what I’m still learning—something outside of the structured chapters of a book. I’ll get into more detail about both projects through upcoming blogs, but for now, just know: this relaunch isn’t random. It’s a reclaiming.

What I Thought I Knew About Marriage

The last blog I wrote before pausing was around 2018. A lot has happened. Ironically, one of my final entries was about how dangerous it is to casually bring up divorce in a relationship. At the time, I believed that speaking it into existence could make it real. Because no one goes into a marriage thinking they’ll get divorced.

I saw red flags before the wedding. But the promises made in front of our family and friends gave me hope. I truly wanted to believe this was it. That I could sacrifice passion and sexual desire for stability. I convinced myself that no one has all the qualities you want—and maybe I could live without being desired. I was wrong.

Before we got married, I went on a bachelorette cruise. I met a pastor—yes, a literal pastor—and we had deep conversations about my fear of getting married. He looked me straight in the eyes and told me to get out. But I felt too far gone. Everything was booked. The dress, the venue, the invites. I couldn’t imagine starting over.

The moment that haunted me was when he touched my chin and I flinched.

My ex had told me he wasn’t attracted to the hair on my face. I’d had it lasered off, but with PCOS, it came back. Hirsutism is one of the many symptoms. I knew then that my husband didn’t make me feel beautiful. I was the one pursuing intimacy during our marriage, and that should’ve told me everything.

Finding Myself Again

Reading those old posts, I saw how bold and alive I once was—especially before marriage. I came on strong, sure. But that boldness came from a deep desire to not settle and to claim what I wanted. Looking back, it was also fueled by unhealed abandonment wounds and trauma from my early twenties. Wounds I’ll talk more about soon.

In 2019, I started therapy with a practitioner who uses A.R.T. (Accelerated Resolution Therapy), and it changed my life. I began unpacking the parts of myself I had buried so deeply I didn’t even realize how much they were affecting me.

My need for validation stemmed from having control taken from me during that early trauma. I tried to reclaim power in uncomfortable ways, thinking it would make me feel safe. What I’ve learned since is that I deserve to be loved, valued, and treated like the amazing soul I am. (And by the way—so do you.)

What Healing Has Taught Me

My therapist, Renee, often says that when you begin to heal, you start to see the brokenness in others more clearly. That became painfully true. I started to recognize how much of myself I lost in my marriage—my voice, my confidence, my spark.

I poured so much into meeting my ex-husband’s needs, supporting his passions, hosting his people, tending to our home. But I was left wanting. Yes, I got flowers and the occasional post-it note. But what I craved was connection—the quality time and deep conversations we once had. Instead, our time together was filled with church events, spiritual lectures, and his constant feedback on how I could be a “better Christian.”

This isn’t a post to condemn faith. But one of the books I’m writing exposes how narcissistic pastors and their cult-like influence can seep into intimate relationships. It’s not about painting everyone in the church as manipulative—it’s about naming how my ex used religion to diminish me, while hiding behind it to control me.

From External Validation to Internal Worth

That bottomless need for external validation became dangerous. I had to learn how to validate myself, not rely on a man to do it. And though the healing process is ongoing, I can say with confidence: I’ve changed.

The relationship I’m in now is filling in the cracks that used to feel like canyons. I don’t have to beg to be seen or loved. I’m not waiting to get my needs met—he just meets them. It’s still new, but it feels safe. And that’s something I had long forgotten was possible.

Looking Ahead

I’ve read so many powerful books during this season of growth. I’ve had experiences that redefined what I thought love, healing, and purpose meant. And now that I’ve broken free from that marriage, I’ve had the space to reflect—and even to date again.

Speaking of dating, I just remembered I owe you all a new Bad Date Series installment. (It’s coming, I promise.)

I didn’t want to get back into the dating pool. But in order to save myself from completely losing who I was in that marriage, I had to.

And now… here I am. Back, writing again.

The Things We Hide From Ourselves

Beautiful day in sanford

Having a blog makes life a little bit more interesting. I got an email the other day that someone commented on an old post. Out of curiosity, I clicked the link and started reading through my public journal — a snapshot of my life in the middle of the 2010s. All the bad dates, my eventual marriage, and the mask I wore to survive some of the narcissistic behavior I endured.

Eventually, I landed on the part where I wrote about getting married and how I felt at the time. Looking back now, I can see there were things I was hiding from myself, avoiding the red flags that were already waving. Yes, there were good times — we genuinely had fun together — but it was the daily, quiet moments at home that slowly wore me down. And to be honest, I wasn’t exactly innocent either.

My construction job during that time was exhausting, not just because of the long hours but because of how toxic the environment was. I was the only woman in an office full of men. I was excluded from conversations simply because of my gender. I was on display every single day. It didn’t matter if I wore a turtleneck or an oversized t-shirt; the male gaze was constant. Sometimes I’d go out into the yard to do inventory or quality control, driving the golf cart past workers who would literally stop what they were doing to stare.

One coworker, in particular, would hit on me weekly. There were times we’d be the last ones in the office, and he’d corner me, asking to take me to a hotel. And while I never acted on it, I won’t lie — I was tempted. He was offering something I wasn’t getting at home. My fiancé didn’t pursue me sexually; he didn’t make me feel desired. And here was someone I found attractive making me feel wanted — it took everything in me to say “no.” But I knew I needed to leave that job. The more rejection I faced at home, the more I craved validation elsewhere.

So I quit, under the cover of pursuing a new career in digital marketing — which was only partly true. I did want to change careers, and this gave me the push. Luckily, I landed two clients who paid me enough to get by. But another red flag I ignored was how my husband and I handled money: everything was split. We didn’t share accounts, and he had zero interest in managing finances together. That only changed later, when he became a radical Christian.

Eventually, I lost both clients — one because of a business falling out, the other switching to commission-only pay, which wasn’t sustainable. I hustled for new clients, but it was hard. Many people don’t value content writing; they want to nickel and dime you for everything. As a writer, you have to price everything — writing, editing, admin — into your hourly rate. Getting to $50 an hour was a victory. But during the hard times, my finances took a hit. I asked my husband for help. His response? “I don’t have enough to help.” And that was that. No solution. No conversation. I was his wife, yet left to fend for myself. In that moment, I knew I could never trust or depend on him financially — and that’s heartbreaking for a marriage.

To make things worse, around that time, he forgot to pay the electric bill and the power was shut off. For someone who’s been broke before, that hit a nerve. It triggered my deep need for financial stability. If my own partner wouldn’t support me, who would? I was abandoned — again — like so many times before.

Truthfully, our marriage was doomed from the start. I tried to savor the good moments. People liked him. I convinced myself I couldn’t do better. Never mind that, according to him, I wasn’t even physically his type (his words, not mine). He once told me I had bad breath, facial hair (thanks PCOS), gas in my sleep, and that I wasn’t sexually enticing. I found those words in an email he wrote two years before we even got married. I should’ve left then. But he said he loved me unconditionally. Funny how unconditional love always seemed to come with conditions. I settled for less than I deserved.

His words haunted our entire relationship and colored how I thought he saw me. And yes — I’m not innocent. In my lonely moments, I sought attention elsewhere. When things got bad, my addiction to validation only grew. I wanted to feel wanted. That’s part of why I knew I had to leave the construction job — it was feeding into something dangerous.

It’s strange, stumbling across these old blog posts — entries written during what should’ve been a happy time. I had just married someone I thought was my forever. But beneath the surface, it was already broken.

2017 - The Building Year

Scrolling through my Instagram feed yesterday, I stumbled upon one of my favorite end-of-year traditions—#2017thebestnine. Naturally, I had to join the fun and check out my top nine posts.
The collage made me stop and reflect on just how much has happened this past year.

year in reviwer

Why the “Building Year”?

As I mentioned in my IG post, I made a huge leap: I left my full-time, comfy corporate job to pursue freelance writing full-time.

Let me tell you—it’s freaking scary.

There’s no regular paycheck, no HR department to chase down when payment is delayed. Some clients are consistent, others pay after projects are complete, and a few… well, let’s just say they test my patience.

But somehow, I’ve managed to keep my head above water. And that, my friends, is a win.

One major lesson I learned: Pitching for new work is just as important as doing the work. I also realized that my energy needs to go toward growing Val’s Bytes. Writing is my passion, but this blog is my heart.

My Everlasting Wanderlust

I’ll say it again—I LOVE to travel. The Comedian and I went to Italy and Greece this past year, and it was beyond anything I imagined. The blue waters of Santorini? Unreal. The tomatoes in Sicily? Life-changing.

I told him we only scratched the surface. But… I did promise to give him a six-month break from my travel obsession. (We’ll see how long that lasts.)

the building year

Growth for Val’s Bytes

It’s amazing what happens when you pray with purpose and take action.

This year, I:

• Launched the Love Bits & Bytes podcast

• Earned my matchmaker certification

• Hosted on Throwback Vibez, an online radio station

• Took on new clients and wrote like crazy

Behind the scenes, I’m working on:

• A brand new Val’s Bytes website

• My first ebook—a curated collection of my favorite blogs

• Building out Fox Hunt Digital, a new marketing services brand with a stellar team

I’m also investing in me. There’s so much wisdom in the world—books, courses, tools—that help you grow emotionally and spiritually. If you want recommendations, hit me up. Seriously.

the building year

What’s to Come

In 2018, you’ll start to see everything I’ve been working on come to life. More love coaching, more dating content, more connection.

I sincerely believe our gifts are meant to be shared. Mine? Helping people love themselves deeply so they can attract real, healthy love.

If you're thinking about going freelance or starting something new, let’s talk. I’m here to help you build.

Final Thoughts

Was 2017 hard? Absolutely. But I don’t regret much—except maybe the BBQ that settled permanently on my waistline. 😅

Still, I survived. I grew. I believed in myself. And I built.

If you hate your situation, make a plan to save yourself. Because no one’s coming to rescue you.
You’ve got to be your own hero.

Here’s to a year of courage, clarity, and creation.

See you next year!
—Val 💛

the building year