Before Finding Love, You Have to do the Work

Okay. I’m going to give you a stern talking to. Ready? Good.

Ever since I announced that I’m a certified matchmaker, I’ve had people come out of the woodwork asking for help. Amazing, right? But the minute I mention a simple 15-minute questionnaire, they look at me like I have six heads.

What I’ve come to realize is this: people want love handed to them without doing any actual work. And honestly? That’s insane.

Yes, sure, you can find love without a long questionnaire or without asking me for help. Go for it. But if you’re looking for something deep, lasting, and aligned, you’ve got to do the inner work first.

It’s Not Just About a Questionnaire

Before I got into a relationship with the Comedian, I had personal hurdles to overcome—abandonment issues, sexual assault trauma, and other baggage.
News flash: we all have baggage—especially if you're dating in your late 20s, 30s, or 40s. Previous relationships, kids, family issues, life-altering events... all of it leaves an emotional mark.

But here's the thing I always say:

“It’s not what you’ve been through; it’s how you handle it that makes you who you are.”

Those past wounds don’t belong in a relationship. So I went to counseling. I read The Secret and The Power of Now. I started viewing life with a different lens. I chose balance and growth.

Welcome to the Self-Awareness Era

We live in an age where personal growth tools are at our fingertips. If you’ve had a string of failed relationships, guess what? The common denominator is you. It’s time to stop blaming your exes and take ownership.

As Einstein (or your favorite meme) once said:

“The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.”

So ask yourself:
– Do I constantly try to “fix” or “save” my partners?
– Am I attracted to emotionally unavailable people because that’s what love looked like growing up?

Unconscious attraction is real. I used to consistently date military guys. Why? My dad was in the Army. That’s the energy I was familiar with. CNN even reported it’s common to end up with someone who mirrors your parents.

Do the Work

Want love? Start with yourself.
– Take a personality test (try 16personalities.com)
– Discover your love language
– Read books like Attached or Things I Wish I’d Known Before We Got Married
– Dive into your zodiac sign for fun insights

These aren’t just BuzzFeed quizzes—they’re tools that help you understand your emotional wiring. When you know and love yourself, you're better equipped to be the kind of partner who attracts a healthy relationship.

Why eHarmony Asks So Many Questions

If you're serious about finding love, questionnaires aren’t the enemy—they’re your blueprint.

I once filled out the full eHarmony survey. Yes, it was long. Yes, it asked what I wanted in a partner. But that’s the point. You don’t want to waste time dating someone whose core values don’t align with yours—whether it’s about kids, religion, or deal-breakers like smoking.

As a matchmaker, I use intuition and information. Both are crucial. Without self-awareness and honesty, it’s impossible to build something that will last decades.

Final Thought

I genuinely want to see people fall in love. It lights me up to be part of that journey. But love that lasts requires more than chemistry—it requires clarity.

Do the work. Heal. Learn. Grow.
And when you’re ready, real love will meet you there.

📝 Interested in getting started?
Download my Dating Terms Worksheet to learn more about your perfect partner

Secrets to Making a Breakup Be the Best Thing That Ever Happened to You

When we talk about breakups, we don’t talk about how positive they can be, we focus on how horrible they are. I was in a relationship for almost nine years, and when that ended, it was the best thing that ever happened to me. So, if you’re reading this and you are pre-breakup, mid-breakup, or even post and trying to move on, start with changing your thoughts about break up. It is positive, it’s change, it’s a new beginning, and most importantly, it’s a new you. Getting your heart broken is the way to start over and make a life you will never need a vacation from and will never need to break up with. It’s so easy to say this, so I have made a list of things that helped me move on and get to that positive place. Here they are…

Cry, scream, and be all the emotions

What I mean by this is feel all the emotions. You can’t move on if you push things down and never address them. Be kind to yourself and give yourself time. It’s gonna be a bumpy road, emotions will come and go, but this will be the best thing to ever happen to you and one day you will wake up, and the shadow will be gone, and you will be happy again. I know you’re asking the biggest question just like when Carrie got her heart broken by Mr. Big for the millionth time.

You know, Carrie from Sex in the City, asked “When will I laugh again?” Miranda responded “When something is really funny.”

That’s how being happy will be one day, it will just click. Until then move on to the rest of this post.

Make a list of all the things that annoyed you

Get specific about the guy and the relationship. This is a great list to have on your phone so when you feel like texting him, or you hear a song you both loved you can read the list and remember why you broke up. When the time comes, and you’re with someone new it’s an excellent way to compare the new guy with the old and make sure they are nothing alike. Who wants to make the same mistake twice? Am I right?

Make a list of all the things you love about yourself and your life

Self-worth is the most important thing anyone can change. If you don’t like you, then who will? This list can be hard in the beginning, try to be very specific and keep adding to the list and read over this list every time you’re sad or not feeling like you are enough. Everyone has good qualities and has talents, appreciate yours. One of my favorite quotes by an unknown author is

“You are YOU and that is your power.”

Embrace your power and embrace your uniqueness. Which leads me to the next point.

Change your self-talk

A world of disappoints will turn into a reality of winning. Words are important, they all have meaning and truth. How is it the nicest people often treat themselves the worst? I came to find that I was quite rude to myself. So take the negative challenge, and I replace I can’t, I won’t, I’m sorry and no; I replaced it with yes, thank you, I can and I will.  It makes a world of difference. One of my favorite movies is Alice in Wonderland, and it’s because she tries to do six impossible things before breakfast. And with a mindset like that the world is yours. Be nice to yourself and say nice things. If you need some motivation or an example of affirmations, click here. You will not be disappointed.

Start working out

Even if it’s just a walk with your dog every day or starting a new class at the gym, get out and get your body moving.  There are so many studies that state walking is good for your brain. There is a form of therapy called EMDR, and it focuses on changing your thoughts and memories while using both sides of your brain. It’s an incredible form of therapy because you are not talking your way through your problems and getting obsessed. You never tell your therapist what it’s about and you work through your thoughts and memories replaces them with less dramatic more positive feelings. I recommend it to anyone wanting to heal from any past traumas.

Try new things and meet new people

Have you always wanted to take an art class? Or learn how to dance? When you are at work what do you wish you could be doing? When getting home, DO IT! Scared to do something is the best sign that you need to do that very thing, so DO IT. When I was moving on from my past life, I chose always to say yes. My world had gotten so limited like the relationship I was in.  When you get scared to take that as a personal challenge to do it. Always say yes. You will be surprised at the things you can accomplish and the people you will meet along the way.

Go on vacation

traveling is the best thing for a broken heart. We forget that life is more than the bubble we live in. It’s a huge world and it will bring things into perspective plus you have so many memories to bury the past with which in the end will help you to move on.

Read self-help books and listen to positive podcasts

I know it’s cheesy but there is good stuff in others experience and advice. Heck, you wouldn’t be reading this post if you didn’t want to change yourself so get obsessed with being better, feeling better. Even trying to better yourself can help you feel better. So get to it, I love The Motivational High Five but find what works for you.

Re-establish friendships with friends and family.

Bad relationships lead to breakups which then have unfortunately put our loved ones as collateral damage. Re-establish those friendships and like I said before don’t be scared to make new ones.

Create goals

Are you happy with your job? No? Change it. Do you hate where you live? Yes? Move. You only have one life to live to get living it instead of surviving it. You don’t like something change it. And keep changing it till you love it.

And finally, upgrade on that relationship

This breakup will be the hardest thing ever do but the best choice you’ve ever made. there is someone out there that will make you look back at the relationship you just left and you will think how crazy you were to ever be so upset it ended. Find someone better, that fits you better, communicates better and has a similar love language as you.  We don’t look hard enough to find the people that will suit us best and possibly be our soul mates. So look because I can tell you by experience when you find them you will be happy. Life will be so easy and you will look back at your past relationships and laugh that you ever thought that was love. Don’t settle, your fairy tale does exist.

Thank you for tuning into my post on Val’s Bytes, check out more post’s at ANYTHINGGIRLY.com

Follow me on Instagram @heidimaesearle

And Facebook at Heidi Mae Searle

The best compliment to any blogger is sharing a post, so I invite you to share and thank you in advance if you do. Comment below and let me know what has helped you get over a breakup!

What to Expect When... Getting Married

marriage, dating, dating advice, relationship advice, relationships, blog, blogger

First and foremost, I have a couple of exciting announcements: the Val’s Bytes podcast is coming back! After a year and a half in hibernation, it felt like the perfect time to relaunch—with a new format and a cohost. We recorded a few episodes already, and the banter is fantastic. I can’t wait to share the first one with you this week.

Now, onto the good stuff—marriage.

The other day, the Comedian and I were reflecting on what it really takes to prepare for marriage. When people buy a car or have a baby, they often spend hours doing research, weighing options, and thinking through every step. So why don’t we do the same when we’re about to commit to forever?

I lucked out. The Comedian was always intentional about building a strong foundation before we even thought about marriage or children. You can’t fix a relationship that’s already broken by simply adding more responsibility. It doesn’t work like that.

Some people think having a child or increasing physical intimacy will solve deeper issues. But it’s like addiction—your problems don’t vanish just because you’re distracted. They’re still waiting for you when the fog clears.

A good friend of mine once moved from Orlando to L.A. after a divorce, hoping a change of scenery would fix everything. But it didn’t. What helped was moving back home, where his support system could help nurse him back to life. Healing requires community, not distance.

I won’t pretend our relationship is perfect, but I will say this: we did the work. We read books, had tough conversations, and made it a point to truly understand one another. And trust me, the Comedian still has a few romantic surprises up his sleeve.

There’s a reason the court system in Florida offers a discount on your marriage license if you take a course beforehand—marriage is meant to last. And preparation matters. Take time to read books together, or go through those Pinterest-style "get to know you" questionnaires. (Yes, I’ve done those with the Comedian. They’re fun and surprisingly insightful.)

So to anyone out there dreaming of their prince charming: take the time to know him before calling him your king. Because sometimes, well… that prince could turn out to be a frog.

Here are a few great books and links to questionnaires to help you prep for your own “happily ever after”:

• The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts

• Things I Wish I'd Known Before We Got Married

• 100 Random Questions to Ask Your Boyfriend

• 40 Personal Questions to Ask Your Boyfriend

• 13 Questions to Ask Before Getting Married

marriage, dating, dating advice, relationship advice, relationships, blog, blogger

Why Technology is Killing Intimacy

I was listening to one of my favorite podcasts yesterday—Heather Dubrow's World—and her guest, Dr. Drew Pinsky, said something that stuck with me: technology is getting in the way of intimacy.

Let’s be honest. With dating apps like Tinder, we’re choosing partners the same way we shop online—quick glances, snap judgments, and options galore. And yes, I was guilty of it too when I was single. I’d talk to five guys at a time (any more than that and I’d start confusing their stories). It was fun, sure, but was it intimate? Not even close.

When the initial connection is so superficial, the result is often a hookup—not a relationship. I’m not saying real love can’t be found online. It can. But like the movie He’s Just Not That Into You says: “That’s the exception, not the rule.”

Honeymoon, Mexico, cancun, intimacy, technology, blog, dating, dating blog, relationships, love

And it’s not just dating. Even in the workplace, I’ve noticed a growing reluctance to pick up the phone. As younger professionals join the workforce, I hear, “He hasn’t responded to my email yet,” instead of “I called and left a message.” It’s a sign of the times: texting and emailing have replaced real conversations.

This spills into our personal lives, too. I’ve been guilty of it myself. The Comedian, who’s older and wiser, often reminds me that a quick phone call can resolve an issue in seconds that texting might stretch out for hours. And he’s right.

If you’re truly looking for a real, intimate relationship, consider ditching the swiping culture and trying a more intentional platform like Match.com or eHarmony. Then—here’s a radical idea—call them. Talk. Hear their voice. Build a connection that’s more than pixels on a screen.

Honeymoon, Mexico, cancun, intimacy, technology, blog, dating, dating blog, relationships, love

We’re losing our ability to create deep bonds because we have a phone glued to our hands 75% of the time. Texting is convenient, but nothing beats eye contact, a real laugh, or hearing someone's voice when they say, “I miss you.”

Let’s not forget how to truly connect.

The Truth to Matchmaking

Every time I meet one of The Comedian’s guy friends, I get asked the same question: “Do you have any single girlfriends?” The answer is yes, I do—but whether I think they’re a good match is an entirely different story. Matchmaking is not just some casual hobby—it’s practically a science. You can’t just toss two single people together and expect magic. The Comedian swears I have a matchmaking addiction, and maybe he’s right. I love love. I want people to experience it as deeply as I do. But, spoiler alert: it’s not always that simple.

happy couple

I’ve definitely learned the hard way. Sometimes, people aren’t ready for a relationship. Other times, they just don’t want one. I remember recently talking with a friend about setting her up with someone I knew—a great catch, but living in another state. What I didn’t share was that he had zero interest in being in a relationship. Lesson learned: don’t force a romantic vision on someone who hasn’t asked for it.

When matchmaking does work, it’s usually because both people are open and ready. I once met a guy when I was single, and while there was no romantic chemistry between us, he described exactly what he was looking for. Immediately, I thought of someone who matched his criteria to a T. I brought him to a place where I knew she’d be—and five years later, they’re still together.

There’s also this: some people say they want love but haven’t done the work to be ready for it. That’s a hard truth to swallow. I always say, “You can’t be happy with someone else if you’re not happy with yourself.” I kissed a lot of frogs before I found my prince. The wild thing is, most of those frogs are still single—and not because they’re unlucky. It’s because they haven’t grown.

What drove me crazy when I was single was how inconsiderate some men were with time. If you make plans, show up—or at the very least, cancel. Basic decency, right? Some guys are just cowards. (Yeah, I said it.)

I see some of my girlfriends struggling with dating, and I get it—it’s brutal out there. But if you love yourself, exude confidence, and respect the feelings of others, you’re already ahead of the game. One of my go-to lines:

“You have to be the person you want to be in a relationship before you’re in a relationship.”

If you’re out partying three nights a week, fine—but consider how someone seeking real commitment might perceive that. A real partner wants peace, not pettiness. He’s not looking for someone to spiral because he forgot the anniversary of your first kiss.

Matchmaking isn’t just about chemistry—it’s about timing, emotional readiness, and intention. Love deserves thought. Always.

My Rattled Psyche

My psyche has been on a roller coaster lately—rattled, stretched, and occasionally flung upside down. Wedding planning, as it turns out, isn’t just about picking colors or tasting cake. It’s psychological warfare. One minute you’re overjoyed, and the next, you’re wondering how many more vendor calls you can take without spontaneously combusting.

Just yesterday, I was chatting with one of The Comedian’s coworkers whose daughter is also planning a wedding. She said her daughter reached the point where she simply doesn’t care anymore. And honestly? Same. I’m there. That’s my current zip code.

Relationships, advice, dating

But through all the chaos, I’ve met some truly incredible people. I’ve also discovered who’s willing to go the extra mile, and who quietly steps back. I still cherish my friends and family to the core—but I’ve had to come to terms with something difficult: You can’t save them all.

I recently had a conversation that reminded me why I care so deeply for people, even those who’ve hurt me. I’ve always had this pull to help, to reach out, to offer a hand even if it’s been slapped away before. It’s why I blog—to be the voice someone might need. Maybe some woman out there is standing at a crossroads, and she reads my story. Maybe she sees the light.

That hope keeps me writing.

I truly believe I was put on this earth to walk through certain storms so I could return with wisdom to offer someone else. Not the kind of wisdom that comes just from experience—but the kind that emerges when you choose to see your experiences as tools for growth.

It’s also why I tend to get invested in people’s relationships. I once spent an extra 30 minutes in an Uber giving the driver relationship advice. Whether or not The Comedian thought it was “appropriate,” my tipsy heart said, “Sir, you deserve clarity!”

The theme of my bachelorette cruise? Finding ourselves again. Because somewhere between the babies, the jobs, and the relationships, we forget how phenomenal we are. We forget the fire we carry. That trip reminded me: I love people. I love dancing like no one’s watching. And I love being surrounded by women who’ve lived, cried, healed, and still rise.

That’s why I feel so rattled—I had forgotten.

And now, I remember.

The truth is, wedding planning, working full-time, and navigating my freelance dreams have all taken a toll. I’m ready for the wedding to be behind me. Not because I’m not excited—I am—but because I’m ready to shift into a new season.

A season where I have time to write, time to travel, time to step into the purpose I’ve been dancing around for years. There’s a lot I can’t share yet, but just know this: change is coming, and it’s the kind of change that makes your heart beat a little faster with anticipation.

I might even go back to school. I’ve always felt called to help people in their relationships—to help them see clearly what they can’t from the inside. Sometimes all we need is one honest voice from the outside to shine a little light.

And speaking of light, this was Joel Osteen’s prayer today. I’ll leave it with you:

“Father, today I raise my level of expectancy. I choose to take the limits off of my thinking. I know that You are able to do exceedingly, abundantly above all I could ever ask, think or imagine. Thank You for the blessing You have in store for me in Jesus’ name! Amen.”

Here’s to rising. To realigning. To remembering who you are.

finding yourself, relationships, relationship advice

A Commitphobe strikes again!

I am sincerely honored to get asked advice from someone who I normally speak to in my social circle.  Thank you so much for reading my blog! Here goes:

Dear Val,

I have fallen for a commitphobe guy which I dated for 2 months. He has been in relationships up to 5 years but only because of his children. Every time we got close to one another he would pull away. Last week, he introduced me to his friend and cousin. Then next day, I noticed texts were getting colder. That Saturday we met up again, I felt his coldness when we attended his partner's party. That's when we finally had a massive argument. He made excuses that I was disrespecting him at his partner's party, like crossing my arms and not turning my face from me. He took photos of me crossing my arms to prove it to me. He then stormed out of party and asked "Where shall I take you?" He wanted to go home and said I should go home too. I was confused, distraught, and didn't easily leave. I tried to reason with him but it got worse.

Since that day he's been stalking my Facebook and putting sarcastic posts up. I cropped one of photos up from the party and posted it not in a bad way. He then posted he needs a vacation and was writing to his friends to go away next week for his birthday to Istanbul.

1. He knew I wanted to go to Istanbul and worse still is I booked the trip.

2. Also knows paid for a bed , breakfast & dinner date, and a yacht for his birthday.

He has also cropped my pic out and posted as profile pic.

When I post pics from party he likes them of course sarcastically to hurt me or puts quotes he will be in a relationship in 2016.  I sent him a few pics of him from party and he sent me the 2 pics with me looking other way or crossing arms.

This is just an excuse, why doesn't he move on then or delete me instead of checking my posts and being bitter.

I should move on yes but it does hurt me. I am fed up with his mind games but I miss him too in some sense.

Could you give me any advice, please?

Sincerely,

K

_________________________________________________________________________________________________

Dear K,

First and foremost, I would like to thank you seeking advice from me.  I really appreciate it.

Second, here's my advice...

I'm not sure of your friend's previous situation however it seems he is extremely emotionally immature and not ready for a real relationship.  Some commitophobes tend to make excuses to not get into another relationship one way or another.  He has to be hurt from some previous experience to be scared to want to commit again.

From your email, I noticed there is some abusive behavior that is not healthy for you or for him for that matter.  You were probably excited to share the pictures from the party and his response was negative.  This is a classic case of trying to build his ego.  He is only concerned about making himself feel good and not with your own well being.

If there's any way for you to potentially go on the trip with a good friend of yours at another time without a huge penalty, I would recommend that.  The reason why some guys don't let someone go is because they do not like the idea of rejection.  Again, it boosts his ego knowing that he can always go to you when he needs you.  This does nothing for you, only causes you confusion and pain.

Like I told a friend not too long ago, if you love something let it go and if it comes back it's yours.  In this case, your guy here needs to grow up emotionally a little bit before he can have someone significant in his life.

As hard as it is to walk away from someone you fell for, do it for yourself.  You will be much happier in the long run.  Relationships are not supposed to be this hard so early.  It is supposed to be all butterflies in your stomach, happy moments, and longing to be with that person ALL of the time.

You're absolutely right.  It's going to suck for a little while.  Put yourself first.  You should be number one in your life all of the time.  Loving yourself only makes it easier for someone else to love you.  Trust me, I've been there, I remember the happy moments and wonder why I ended things but then I realize I love myself too much to put myself through the pain again.

Let me know how you're doing through the process.  I can suggest some books or even podcasts to listen to that will make you feel better while you are going through the break up.

Sincerely,

Val

“What If?” Is a Scary Phrase

Recently, a close friend of mine lost his father. Naturally, it got me thinking about my relationship with mine.

The first thing that hit me—hard—was the reminder that life is fleeting. People come and go. Bad things happen, good things happen. There are moments of pure joy and relationships that shape us… and sometimes break us. Some of those memories have even led me into hours of therapy I’m still not sure how I paid for. But I digress.

My younger sister, dad, and me

I didn’t have a close relationship with my dad growing up. He just wasn’t around. That’s not to say he didn’t care—it’s just complicated. Military life comes with its own set of rules. For one, I never had a friend longer than two years. Not because I wasn’t a good friend, but because we all moved constantly. I still remember my best friend from elementary school moving to Alaska. (How were we supposed to keep in touch without the internet back then?)

My dad spent nights on base, weekends in training, and eventually re-enlisted after a short-lived retirement—this time in Panama. Needless to say, he missed some of the most awkward and formative years of my life: the teenage ones. And honestly, I’m still not sure about all the reasons why he wasn’t around more.

Then, when I was about 27, something shifted. Out of nowhere, my dad reappeared and started reaching out consistently. We don’t see each other all the time, but we email regularly. And through those conversations, I’ve started to see parts of myself in him. I finally understand where my personality came from.

Still, I can’t help but wonder about the future.

Even something as joyful as wedding planning has brought its challenges. Getting a response from him about anything is like pulling teeth. And while I want him involved, I feel caught between not wanting to try too hard and fearing the regret of never having tried enough.

I want him to be part of my life now. I want him to be part of my future kids’ lives. I want him to show up—not just for the big events, but the small moments too.

I don’t want to look back and ask, “What if I had tried harder to build that relationship?”
Because, honestly? That’s all I really want.
A better relationship—before it’s too late.

My dad back in the day on the bottom right corner

Wedding Planning is for the Birds

Val&Gio (11)

If anyone really knows me, they know one thing for sure: I sincerely don’t like being the center of attention. I’d much rather mingle through the crowd, getting to know people one-on-one. Honestly, I turn beet red every time someone sings “Happy Birthday” to me.

So what does that say about my experience becoming a bride?
Let’s just say… it’s been a ride.

Every time someone asks, “So how’s wedding planning going?” I feel a wave of anxiety. Don’t get me wrong—I’m a hustler. I work in operations for a living! I get stuff done. And yes, almost everything is already planned: venue booked, dress picked, details organized. All that’s left is the wedding cake, bridesmaids’ dresses, and a few tiny odds and ends.

But what’s been keeping me up at night isn’t the timeline—it’s the budget.

I’ve always been good at saving, but this kind of expense? It’s on another level. Our parents have helped out tremendously (thank you, thank you), but let’s be real: weddings are expensive. I didn’t realize flowers cost that much until I saved $100 by removing one rose from each centerpiece. One. Single. Rose. INSANE.

If I had all the money in the world, I’d cover the whole room in florals, hire flamenco dancers, and throw in a photo booth with props for days. But we’re just two middle-class Americans trying to make magic happen on a not-so-magical budget. And honestly? That’s okay.

downtown orlando, lake eola, engagement, photos

People keep telling me, “Just enjoy the process!” And I try. I really do. I love planning parties. I love organizing. But I also like knowing I can afford what I’m putting together. I think some people stress over the details because they want to please everyone. They want everything to be perfect. But I’ve learned (sometimes the hard way) that nothing ever goes exactly as planned. And that's not the point anyway.

Luckily, we've been blessed by generous friends and family doing us favors. That has meant everything. Now, my next task is building the wedding day timeline. Who knew every single detail needed to be mapped out? (Thanks, bridezillas. You've raised the bar for those of us just trying to keep it cool.)

On a brighter note—we got some of our engagement photos back! They turned out so sweet. Go ahead, take a peek and smile with us.

Don't Get in that Car

I recently heard something on the radio that shook me. A young woman had been raped after getting into a car with a stranger.

My first thought? Why would anyone get into a car with someone they don’t know?
But I had to pause. Because while it might seem obvious to some of us, we live in a world where people are taught to be polite—sometimes at the expense of their safety.

Maybe it’s my thick skin. Maybe it’s the close calls I’ve had. But I believe we need to talk more honestly about the decisions we make and how to protect ourselves—not with blame or shame, but with clarity.

We’re all taught about “stranger danger” as kids, but somehow, that lesson fades as we grow up. Yet the risks don’t. According to the Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network (RAINN), most sexual assaults are committed by someone the victim knows—but that doesn’t mean trusting a stranger is any safer.

A recent social experiment on YouTube (watch here: Social Experiment on Stranger Danger) showed just how easy it is for people to let their guard down. It’s chilling to see women voluntarily get into a car with someone they just met.

I speak from experience. I haven’t always made the safest choices, and I say this with empathy, not judgment. I know what it’s like to want to believe in the good in people. But there’s a line between being optimistic and being unprotected.

Let’s look at another scenario:
You meet a guy at a bar. He’s charming, the vibe is right, and then he invites you to his place after.
What do you think is going to happen? A long, respectful conversation about art and philosophy? Probably not.

One of my favorite lines from How I Met Your Mother says it best:

“Nothing good happens after 2 a.m.”

Go home. Protect your dignity and your peace. If he’s a good guy, he’ll call. If he doesn’t? He never was.

I get it—insecurities sometimes make us crave validation. Sometimes curiosity gets the better of us. And sometimes we just don’t want to be alone. I’ve been there.

But the truth is, many of my worst dates and most regrettable choices could’ve been avoided if I’d put my self-worth first. That’s the lesson I’m sharing here—not to shame, but to empower.

I also believe God doesn’t put us through anything we can’t handle. Sometimes we fall so we can rise stronger. But we can minimize how hard we fall by listening to our gut, learning from the past, and choosing ourselves first.

If you or someone you know is struggling, confused, or carrying the weight of a sexual assault, I’m here to listen—no judgment, just support. That goes for men and women alike.

You are worth protecting. You are worth waiting for. You are worthy—period.