Being in a Healthy Relationship

Recently, I read an article from The Times and shared it with the Comedian called 14 Signs You're in a Healthy Relationship.  I love sharing articles like this with him because we can talk about it and how we can improve our relationship.  The best thing about finding someone with the same goals is that they understand what it is to continue growing TOGETHER.  I can happily say that we were able to check off the majority of the 14 signs.  The Comedian has always said that we need to have a solid foundation before bringing kids in the world.

There a few points that really stuck out in my mind.

ValGio

First, Have Your Own Space

It is so important to still keep who you are intact.  It kind of ties into another point to love yourself.  Before you got into this relationship, you were you're own person.  You had you're own friends, family, hobbies, and so on.  You might have to give up some of your SSB (Secret Single Behaviors) like eating crackers while standing but that's okay.  You can do those habits when you're loved one is away.  They might be curious as to why the cracker box is empty but hey, old habits die hard.  You should not lose who you were before you were in a relationship.  Yes, you will grow and change as you are with your significant other, however, you should still have you intact.  Never forget to make plans with your girlfriends for a night out, call a old friend from time to time, and let your partner know who they are.

I think the most difficult part of having my own space is battling gender roles and knowing I have really good guy friends.  Yes, I sincerely believe you can have friends who are guys that don't want to sleep with you.  These friendships come few and far between.  They are not common at all but they exist.  If a friend crosses that boundary of friendship with sex and you're in a relationship, its best to cut them off because a true friend would want you to be happy and they wouldn't come between your relationship.  I know, I know, it's easier said than done.  This is where you figure out what is more important, the relationship with your friend or your significant other.

You Like Yourself and Your Partner

"You must love yourself before you can love anyone else"

It is so important to have a good handle on who you are as a person before getting into a relationship.  I had bouts of depression all through my 20's and I don't think I really figured out what it was to be happy with myself until I watched The Secret.  I realized that I am the only one responsible for my happiness.  When I discovered what that felt like, everything changed.  Magically enough, it led me to The Comedian which goes to show you that when the Universe is ready, it will give you what you pray for.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not perfect.  I still battle with insecurities, however, I try not to let it overpower my happiness.  When you are happy with yourself, then it will resonate.  People will be drawn to your happiness simply because they like to be around happy people.  This also applies to your relationship.  You should like or even love your partner as well.  They will get on your nerves and you will get frustrated with each other (it's inevitable) but at the end of the day, they have to be the person you want to lay next to you at night.

Talk to your Partner not Other People

I will honestly say, I struggle with this the most.  With my girlfriends, it seems so easy to just slip into talking about your relationship and what's wrong with it.  They complain about their husbands and arguments and what they do and don't do.  Sometimes I feel compelled to share my frustrations but it's not right.  First, you are not one to judge only God can.  You should not judge your partner.  Yes, you might not agree with how they do things but that is who they are, that is who you fell in love with.  Second, its difficult to be in a group and not want to be a part of the conversation.  I really make an effort to keep my opinions to myself and let my girlfriends just go on and on about whatever ails them.  I have to remember, in my mind, The Comedian is really the best person I could have ever dreamed of and he treats me amazingly well.  After all the frogs I have kissed, I have finally found my prince.  I don't want to go back to kissing frogs any time soon!

Finally, Say I Love You and Thank you

It is so important to thank your significant other for whatever they do.  Especially if their love language is words of affirmation.  I mean, he could take out the garbage for the 50th time but I still say "Thank you".  Something as simple as acknowledging the small things can make a difference by leaps and bounds.  Plus, if you have children, it is important that they see how you and your partner respect each other.   If you make it a habit now, then in the future, you will see all of the small things come to light.  

All in all, relationships are built on just loving each other for the small things.  Over time, the bigger reasons why you began might disappear but the small things you do day to day will always be there.  You have to remember that this list fromTime Magazineis just a framework to having a healthy relationship.  I can say, mine is not perfect and we work at it every day but I know it has a really healthy foundation.  

My Year in Review

Note to self: I definitely need to blog more… but I digress.

This year has been full of big changes—ones I’m not entirely sure I would’ve made without the Comedian acting as my loving conscience.

First and foremost: After years of insisting my old car still had plenty of life left, I finally said goodbye to my 2003 Mazda Protégé and upgraded to a 2010 Toyota Corolla S. That little Mazda was my first car—the one I drove all through college. I held onto it longer than most would, despite the lack of automatic doors, windows, or even tints (yes, in Florida!). The Comedian was convinced it was going to explode every time something broke. I’d brush him off with my usual stubborn mantra: “The car still has life!” But truthfully, he was just looking out for me. When the timing and finances aligned, I finally took the leap—and no regrets there.

After Lasik surgery. No make up, popped blood vessel. It's all healed now

Second: I got Lasik surgery! I had worn glasses since I was nine and contacts since I was thirteen. Basically, I was legally blind for 21 years. I never liked how glasses looked on me, and they constantly slid down my nose. Getting Lasik was something I always wanted to do—I was just waiting for the right moment. Enter: a longtime friend and Lasik technician I trusted, who just so happened to be part of the team at Lasik Plus. I couldn’t pass it up. Today, I have 20/15 vision. My eyes still get dry occasionally, but that’s normal. And I’m not being paid to say this—I really do love waking up and being able to see the world clearly.

Our new home!

And finally… the biggest moment of all:
The Comedian and I bought a house!
It came together so quickly, it almost felt divine. I’d been dreaming of more space—for our creativity, for Rosco to roam—but I thought it was out of reach. Then one day, something told me to just start asking questions. Call it faith or intuition, but within a month—with the help of our amazing realtor Jane Sloan and the wonderful folks at Absolute Home Loans—we were homeowners.

Funny enough, my vision board (yes, inspired by The Secret) had a 1500 sq. ft. home on it. Every house we saw before this one was smaller—1200, 1300 sq. ft.—and just didn’t feel right. But then came this perfect 1400 sq. ft. house. It felt meant to be. Close enough to the dream to prove that intention and belief really can manifest into reality.

Of course, there were plenty of other highlights this year:
🎓 I started my MBA program at Florida International University
💍 The Comedian and I attended five weddings (and only one baby shower—hallelujah)
🦞 I hosted my first crawfish boil and a high school marching band reunion
💖 And we celebrated our second anniversary!

This year has been a beautiful whirlwind, and I’m so thankful for every minute of it.

Looking ahead to 2015, I’m excited. I’ll graduate with my MBA in May, attend a few more weddings, welcome my niece into the world, and who knows what else is in store?

The years may fly by, but they are filled with memories that make life so sweet.

Live in the moment. Cherish every minute.
Cheers to 2015! 🥂

Just a little bit of the past year

Food, Food, Oh So Yummy – Day 3

Food the last 3 days

I did it—I worked out yesterday. And now? I can’t feel my legs.

There has got to be something wrong with a workout program that has me doing squats every single day. It just hurts. No recovery day? We’ll see about that...

So, part of this fitness journey includes sending my trainer photos of everything I eat. I guess it’s his way of holding me accountable (read: making sure I’m not sneaking cheese in the middle of the night). After years of trying every diet under the sun, eating healthy isn’t the challenge—it’s the exercise... and maybe the wine. Okay, definitely the wine. And I do have a tendency to indulge a little more than I should. I mean, who doesn’t love a warm, toasty bagel with cream cheese for breakfast?

What do I miss most since starting on Monday? Cheese.

I love cheese. The Comedian always says we’re cheesy people, and he’s not wrong—both in the corny-joke way and the dairy-obsessed way. But I’m making it work. Chicken breasts, veggies, toast with peanut butter... honestly, not so bad. Still, I know my taste buds. They’re going to need a little jazz soon.

Next challenge: find some clean, creative recipes that keep things exciting. Wish me luck—and maybe a little mercy for these sore legs.

Not So Bad – Day 2

The Gym is Calling My Name. Tara Angkor Hotel Fitness centre

It’s Day 2, and I have to say—so far, so good.

As expected, my motivation beast reared its ugly head this morning. I did not feel like waking up to work out. Excuses ran wild through my mind like a crazy parade:

“You’re so sore from yesterday.”
“You really need more sleep.”

But I’m not letting those thoughts win. I made a promise to myself, and I’m sticking to it. I’ll work out after work—and that’s that.

What has surprised me is how much I’m actually enjoying some of the things I used to dread. For example: protein shakes. I’d always heard horror stories—chalky textures, weird aftertastes, and, of course, the gas. But yesterday morning, I whipped up a concoction of Allmax Nutrition Isoflex Vanilla, berries, Silk Pure Almond Vanilla, half a banana, and a little natural peanut butter. Let me tell you: YUM. Honestly, I’m not missing much food-wise on this journey so far.

I’m used to eating healthy after years of trying every diet under the sun, so this transition hasn’t been too hard—at least not yet. Talk to me after today’s squats, though. I already know I’ll be waddling tomorrow. But hey, I keep reminding myself: I want a better booty. Ha!

On another note, I’ve been encouraged to take extra supplements. I’m still a little skeptical. I’ve had some wild experiences with multivitamins in the past, and part of me wants to do this as clean and naturally as possible. Maybe it’s just my lack of education around fitness and nutrition, but I’m curious—and cautious.

Let the Journey Commence

By Maks Karochkin

I've battled weight issues ever since my family moved to Florida when I was 9 years old. Out of fear that we’d get kidnapped, my parents kept us indoors. “If we’re not home, you can’t play outside,” they’d say. Life looked very different after my dad left the military and my mom started working. When we lived on a military base, she didn’t need to work—or only worked part-time while we were in school. But that all changed.

Fast forward to today, and I see how those early habits shaped my relationship with food and activity. Add in the classic Puerto Rican way of eating (hello, rice with everything!), and my sister and I never really learned what it meant to live a healthy lifestyle. My dad was incredibly fit—ran 10 miles a day—but he left when I was 14. After that, we didn’t really have a fitness role model.

Over the years, I’ve tried every diet under the sun. My biggest struggle has always been maintaining consistency long enough to reach my goal. In college, I tried South Beach and lost about 15 pounds. After my ex-fiancé, I turned to diet pills—they worked briefly until my body started doing scary things. During another relationship, I hit my heaviest weight: a size 16. Later, I dropped back down to a 10/12—again, through pills. A few years ago, I lost 20 pounds with Weight Watchers and felt amazing. But when I could no longer afford the meetings (which I believe are the magic ingredient), and I started a new relationship, the weight crept back on.

Now I’m at a crossroads again, and it’s time for a real change.

Lately, I’ve been following some inspiring fitness accounts online, and I finally asked myself: What am I waiting for? Sure, I love food. And wine. But are they really worth continuing to feel stuck in a body that doesn’t reflect who I want to be?

So last week, I reached out to a coach I found through Pinterest—SwiftFit—and asked about his program. After a few back-and-forth conversations to understand how it works, I took the leap. And today… is Day 1.

I’m using this blog as a public promise—to myself, and to anyone reading—that I’m committing to this for the next 90 days. Yes, I know it’s the holidays. Yes, I know there will be temptation. But if I can make it through this time of year, I know I can do anything.

Wish me luck. Let’s do this.

Her Story, His Story, and the Truth About Breakups

by Satish Krishnamurthy

Today was one of those days—I was asked for breakup advice not once, but twice. Funny thing about breakups: no two are the same. Every relationship has its own unique story, its own set of circumstances, and two very different people navigating their emotions. And truthfully? I’m not in the relationship, so I can’t pretend to understand both sides. But what I can speak to is what comes after—the recovery.

For me, heartbreak looks like sad love songs, a bottle of wine, and lying on the couch in my favorite old sweatshirt. It’s not glamorous, but it’s honest. You’ve got to let the tears fall. You’ve got to sit with your pain before you can begin to let it go. Healing is a process, and it’s not meant to be pretty.

The most important step is this: get back to yourself. Before the relationship, you were whole. You had your own rhythm, your own joy, your own identity. Then, love comes along—and you start sharing your world with someone else. It’s easy to lose sight of where you end and they begin. But when it’s over, the best thing you can do is come home to yourself.

That doesn’t mean sleeping around or drinking to forget. That’s not healing—that’s numbing. Feel the pain. Get uncomfortable. Figure out who you are after the breakup. Decide who you want to become on the other side of this.

Because here’s the truth: trying to understand why someone left might drive you crazy. There’s always more than one version of the story—your side, their side, and somewhere in between… the truth. The real question is: what story are you going to tell yourself going forward?

Everyone will have advice. Some of it will be helpful. A lot of it won’t. But in the end, your heart is the one you have to live with. So listen to it. Let it speak. Let it guide you home.

How Much Does Social Media Influence Little Girls?

by Ste Elmore

The other night, the Comedian and I found ourselves in a spirited debate about what it might be like to raise girls in today’s world—especially with social media playing such a massive role. Honestly, I didn’t know how to argue his point. I’m not a parent, and I’m no expert in child psychology. I only know my own story—how I was raised and how I turned out. And the truth is, the idea of raising a child is a little terrifying. You pour your values into this tiny human and hope they grow into someone kind, confident, and grounded. But in a world flooded with likes, filters, and celebrity influence… is that enough? Or are we just being naive?

This all started with Nicki Minaj’s recent album cover—you know the one. Bent over, bare bottom on full display. She’s undeniably talented, and like it or not, she’s a role model for many young girls. But what message does that send? Is it empowering… or oversexualized? And where do we draw the line?

Not long ago, Kim Kardashian posted an Instagram photo in a barely-there swimsuit that stirred up the same questions. Growing up, I had influences like Madonna and Cyndi Lauper—but it was different. I was sheltered. My parents didn’t talk to me about sex. My mom, a traditional Catholic woman, believed in modesty. I vividly remember my college rebellion stage—lots of cleavage, short skirts, the works. I figured if I was “blessed,” I might as well flaunt it. My mom once joked that I had a closet I wore around her… and a completely different one I didn’t. (She wasn’t wrong.)

But I’ve evolved. These days, my style reflects where I am in life—not 21, not seeking attention. Just me.

After the debate, I posted a question on Facebook asking others how they felt about raising girls today. The responses varied, but many agreed—it’s harder now. Kids have access to everything. Friends with cell phones at seven. YouTube, TikTok, and Instagram influencers just a click away. One person brought up a Louis C.K. bit, where his 9-year-old daughter asks for a cell phone. He says no. She protests: "But my friend has one." He still says no. That’s parenting.

But still, we wonder: Can a parent’s influence outweigh what kids see online?
Can we raise strong, confident girls who know their worth doesn’t depend on likes or showing skin?

We hope so.

The truth is, there’s no formula. We don’t know how our children will turn out. We just hope they’re healthy, happy, and good humans. We hope they live full, beautiful lives like we did—or maybe even better.

The Freelance Struggle

by Sean MacEntee

Recently, I took the leap into the world of freelancing. After listening to countless podcasts and reading article after article, I decided to go against the grain and try one of those popular freelancing platforms. Let me just say—if you’re looking to get paid what you’re worth for your creativity and talent, this is not the path.

Within a week or two on the site, I quickly learned what so many others had warned about: most gigs pay pennies. Quite literally. Still, I was excited to land my first official assignment—writing 30 articles on dating advice. Right up my alley, right?

Then I did the math.

I was getting paid $1.00 per article.
One dollar.

Let that sink in.

Sure, it was my first job on the platform and I genuinely wanted to make a great impression. And to their credit, the client said my content was “amazing.” But even hearing that didn’t make it feel worth it. I knew my writing—especially on something I know so well—deserved far more value.

That’s when it hit me: I was pouring energy and talent into something that didn’t respect the craft.
And I could do so much more on my own.

So, I pivoted. I started my own website to offer real freelance writing services. A space where I could set my own rates, showcase my best work, and attract clients who actually valued what I bring to the table. If you’d like to see some of my writing or work together, you can visit me at Valerie Writes.

This isn’t just about money—it’s about freedom. I want to design a life where I can travel, create, and thrive without asking for permission to use 10 days of vacation or being told what I’m “worth” based on a corporate pay band.

Maybe I sound like a textbook Millennial—but honestly?
That’s exactly how I feel.

AOL Chat Rooms and My Prom Date

Recently, I read an article about two dating gurus who met on Twitter and are now engaged. The woman mentioned she'd been dating online since she was 19—and I couldn’t help but smile. That number sounded familiar. Why? Because I started dating online at 17.

Yes, folks—that’s nearly 12 years of online dating before the Comedian and I made it official.
Back in the good ol' days of AOL chat rooms, dial-up tones, and screen names like ValenLatina, I was a curious, lovestruck teenager looking for connection in the most 2000s way possible.

The story starts with prom.

I had asked an old coworker I was crushing on to be my date. He said yes. I was thrilled. But I was also 17 and had yet to learn the lesson that confirming plans matters. Weeks went by with no follow-up, and when I finally got a hold of him—cue heartbreak—he had totally forgotten. He apologized and said he had to work.

I was devastated. This was senior prom. A rite of passage. And in my teen mind, the world had officially ended.

Naturally, I turned to the only place I knew for comfort: the AOL Orlando chat room.

After the obligatory “a/s/l?” intros, I started chatting. "Hey ValenLatina!" messages came flooding in. And then one conversation stuck.
He was a nice guy, about an hour away, and he patiently listened to my teenage sob story: dumped by a flaky prom date and scrambling for a plan B. After some back and forth, he said:

“I’ll take you to your prom.”

I couldn’t believe it. I had a date! But of course, I had to meet him first.

We decided on Old Town—if you're from the Kissimmee/Orlando area, you know that place.
We walked, we talked, and honestly… he was polite and sweet. Not quite fireworks, but hey, my online dating adventure had officially begun.

Prom came and went. He wasn’t really my type (and I was definitely not feeling a love story unfolding), but he showed up when I needed a date—and that mattered. My mom thought he was cute, which was... a bonus for her, I guess. 😅

That night didn’t end with a fairytale romance, but it did start my digital dating journey.
And I wouldn’t change a thing—well, maybe just my prom hair. That was a whole other tragedy.

The Friend Zone

Sometimes, I get calls from my guy friends—the ones who are still single—asking the same question over and over:
“How did I end up in the friend zone?”

It’s the one struggle they just can’t seem to shake. And I get it. It stings. It’s frustrating. It’s confusing.
But here’s the truth I always tell them: a woman usually knows what she wants within the first 30 seconds of meeting you. She may change her mind later, sure. You may grow on her. But let’s be honest—that’s the exception, not the rule.

The biggest trap of the friend zone is when the guy becomes infatuated with the idea of the woman. Suddenly, she’s not just a friend—she’s the one. The fantasy grows: “Maybe she’ll change her mind.”
But most of the time, she won’t.

And yet, my sweet, hopeful, slightly masochistic guy friends cling to the dream. They convince themselves that one day, their dream girl will wake up and realize it’s been them all along.

Listen—I’m spiritual, yes. I believe in timing, energy, divine intervention. But I’m also a realist.
When the right person comes into your life, you will know. It won’t be a tug-of-war. It won’t leave you guessing. It will just feel… right. And if it doesn’t feel that way? Don’t force it.

Here’s a hard truth:
A lot of people who end up in the friend zone have a common trait—they’re too scared to make a move. They wait. They stay silent. They play it safe. But here’s the thing: most women want a man who knows what he wants and isn’t afraid to go after it. A man with confidence. A man who leads.

And if you do walk away from the “friendship” and they come back? That’s your moment to take control of the narrative. Let them know where you stand. That you’re looking for something real. If they can’t give that to you, let them go—without resentment, without bitterness. On your terms.

You’ve probably heard the adage:

“If you love something, let it go. If it comes back, it’s yours.”

But here’s the part people forget: don’t lose yourself waiting for something that may never return.

There’s one particular person I’m thinking of while writing this, and it breaks my heart to see people I care about in pain over someone who doesn’t reciprocate. I know it’s hard. I know it feels cruel. But if someone is dragging you along while reaping the benefits of your emotional labor, that’s not love—it’s manipulation.

And honestly? That kind of connection becomes a slow poison. It erodes your self-worth.
Let. It. Go.

I’ve done it. I’ve cut the chord. And guess what? I’m still standing—and so much happier for it.

Women (and men, for that matter) don’t always know what they want until it’s right in front of them. But that doesn’t mean it’s your job to wait around just in case they figure it out. Especially when feelings are involved—someone always gets hurt.

So here’s my advice:
Walk away. Reconnect with friends who see you just as you are. Invest in yourself. Live your life fully. Because when the right person comes along, it will feel different. You won’t have to beg or prove your worth.

You are not a backup plan.
You are not someone’s “maybe.”
You are not meant to sit on the sidelines of your own love story.

Only you are responsible for your happiness.
So if you’re stuck in a cycle that’s driving you nuts, it’s time to choose you.

No more salt on open wounds. Heal. And move forward.